There were lots of quotes that I thougt fit for today and some that almost did and some that used to. Truthfully I'm still in a bit of an imbetween stage. Some things in my life have fallen apart while others have fallen together.
"You know the one thing you’re fighting to hold
Will be the one thing you’ve got to let go"
-Spotlight by Mutemath
I spent the weekend at an all girls church retreat with my friend molly. I feel horrible becuase we only went to one of the services the rest of the time we just hung out in the cabin and gorged ourself on hot choclate. But it was only from 5 p.m. on friday to 6 p.m. saturday and we did go to one service so thats not too bad. It was great to go up to the mountain top and get away from everything and have some geniune bestie girl time. Very sensay.
Unfourtunatly, I found of this one boy I was starting to like most defantly dosn't like me. A little sad but hey it wasnt meant to be. I've started expecting every guy I meet and know to just be all over me and that I can have anyone I want and thats not the case no matter how pretty or sexy or whatever anyone is. Coming to grips with reality is never easy but always neccesary.
I gave Nick to God this weekend. Meaning,the fact that I couldn't stop him from doing drugs and continuing his reckless behaviour isn't my fault. I'm not his mother. It's his life anyways if he wants to ruin it so be it. I can't blame myself for things turning out the way they did with him. It's not just my fault. He's not my project no matter what i do, i will never ever be able to change him. It's not possilbe. I have to accept that and allow myself to heal and stop feeling guilty and lusting after him and all the 'what ifs' that went along with out 'relationship'. It's not going to be easy but I can't keep on like this. After all, it's all part of the process of getting over someone.
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