girlfriends
relatinships
blonde
blackberry
choclate thunders
singing
new friends
ipod touch
club vball tournys
libero
OUT:
computers class
being fat
when the dentist numbs your mouth and u cant eat for 3 hours
creepy german teachers
being single
brown hair
drugs
boys who lie
sophmore
duechlords
heartbreak
nick harris
bfh & McBitch
I though i would start out this blog with some Ins and Outs just to kick off the conversation. Despite the life changes that high school brings i find myself. . .speechless. Sure there are lots of things that need to be said but i guess im struggling more with how to say them.
Everything is so minor right now its hard to put my finger on the cause of my blah blah blues. One topic i always have something to say on is boys, so lets start there. I'm kinda over being single. The only boyfriend I've had all year was Nick Harris and i'm not sure if he even counts seeing as he didn't treat me how you treat someone you care about.Anyways! Of course i've had 'things' with people imbetween but those dont really count as a relationship. Theres just something about being offical and the offical closure that comes with a boyfriend girlfriend public relationship. Those usually end up burning out. But lots of people are getting into these long term serious spend alot of time together relationships, and they seem so secure with how they are around each other. Perhaps im looking for acceptance from another person and being in a relationship with someone is how i've set out to do it. Or maybe im just looking for love like everyone else in the world.I just want someone who adores me and i can tell things to and i can be there for. I want a strong hold from the world, a boy who will wrap me in his arms and whisper to me everythings going to be ok.
At the same time the idea of being serioulsy involved with someone scares me. Am i ready for that? Do i even have the time for that? Like, he would probly be older and then drive which would mean hanging out at their house after school, and them giving me rides home and going to lunch with them. My mother probly wouldn't allow that being syco. I guess i just want security. I've had enough of this keeping my options open new boy toy every week game. Its so tiring!! I know what the players mean now when they say they want someone to care about and be there for and hold them down. I just wasnt ready for that earlier on in the year. Now i've settled down. The fizz in my soda has gone down. I'm done with the constant dissapointments and the all over the place emotions. The old me would be yawning and terrified at the though of all long term placid relationship. I'm still scared but i can get over that if this is what i need. Sure maybe part of this change of heart is that i've gone through all my options but more of it is just me maturing.
I want someone to miss me when im not there. Perhaps this has something to do with valentines day, but i hate that holiday. or any holiday in general because its so akward when u have a thing with someone cause its like what do u get them??
well anyways, i think i'll wrap this up with a quote of the day.
No comments:
Post a Comment