CONFESSION #1

I had someone die in my life that is still alive. Has that ever happened to you? I had a best friend, and we got in a huge fight parents got involved blah blah blah and that happend in 7th grade. We had been inseperable for two years. And then suddenly, when we walked by each other in the halways at school we didnt even look at each other. yet we knew the ins and outs of each other like, perhaps, no one else. Mckenzie became dead to me. And that killed me. To suddenly have a huge part of you ripped out with little warning. . . is catstrofic. And at such a young age when you are just shaping into the person your going to be for the rest of your life. And whats worse? I didn't just lose a best friend, i lost my family. Not my blood family, but the family that i felt i should have been borne into. My mother had a severe drinking problem at that time in my life. I didn't know what mood she would be in when i came home. It was terrifing i had always had such a stamble life. My mother had never been like that. She is practically the most over involved parent ever. But from 6th grade into freshman year she was having a midlife crisis. I pretty much lived at Kenzie's house for two years. Her mother Nish took me in as her own and she was the spunky crazy easy going stable mother i never had. My father died when i was 10 months old and my mother never remairried. Kenz dad Rich was truely the father i never had. I remember one night the fam was at a haunted house and i was scared. In 6th grade. Rick held me next to him and rubbed my arm and stayed with me through it the entire time. Like a father would have. Kenz sister Jess was the hollister wearing loving big sis that my sister could never be. My own sister is my exact opposite. Artsie and a little weird. Jess was popular and mature and would hang out with us and share friends. They were also really rich. I belonged with them. if i could have picked a family i wouldn't have been able to find one better. And then to have it taken away knocked the breath out of me and im just starting to get it back. I had to go through the grieving cycle as if there had been some type of horrible car crash the once second i wasn't with them and the entire family had died. But what made it worse was I saw Kenz and Jess at school. I saw there house all the time. It was like being a ghose, standing right next to someone living and screaming at the top of your lungs but not being seen or heard. I transferred schools. Tried to start all over.